hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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