i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
