I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
