You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
