The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
