I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
