my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
