how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
