She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
