could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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