You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
