So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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