New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
