Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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