Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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