I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
