My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
