If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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