Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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