This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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