i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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