she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
