I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
