why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize