How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
