we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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