When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
