you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
