That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
