I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
