I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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