I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
