apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
