your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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