i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
