We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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