I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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