Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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