these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize