things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
