Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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