The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
