I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
