Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize