i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
