How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
