I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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