If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
