God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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