what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
