I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
