Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
birth control should be required to get into college
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
