I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
