I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
