I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
