this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
