I heard we made out
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
