Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
