This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize