New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
