It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
