Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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