I wish I could punch you in the face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
