If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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