she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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