You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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