i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUCK WHALES
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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