i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
tell me about the eggs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize