Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
