I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
