this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
