Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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