i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, he came in my armpit
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
