after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize