I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
