I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
