I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize