Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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