yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
