Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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